Wednesday, January 21, 2009
31 minutes and 10 seconds
I gazed for 31:10. I just feel I can't really be honest here on this blog. I don't know if I can narrow it down to a certain amount of people but its hard since there arent any people to narrow down. but I may just go back to tribe and write maybe because I can at least feel I am writing to just a few people who probably aren't reading anyway. and even if I can never post it or its a pain in the ass too I will at least have a copy. So much is happening in my life that its crazy and I can't say how much has to do with Solar Healing. but I also feel this sence of vulnerability that is over whelming. I know on tribe anyone essential could read my blog if they wished but for some reason it felt more local or intimate. Its just this energetic feeling I get from the whole thing. Anyway.
Friday, January 16, 2009
31minutes again I guess
I see that I already watched the sun for 31 minutes previous to today. and I did again today, so there. It was hard, as it has been, watching the sun other than the first thing in the morning. so I did watch earlier, let say about 10ish and it was bearable. I gazed the other day a few times in one day but it did not add up to more than my highest time so I didn't record it with you. but I did get very sick. I have been having a healing crisis to the enth degree. everything hurt from my head to my toes. It burned, shot pains, inflamed, infected, ached. you name it. but I do feel better I am just coughing like a tb patient but even that has subsided today. so, I guess I have stepped over a hurdle, made a new commitment in a way. I was hesitating and feeling stuck. but I pushed forward and now my body wants to go to the next level. I am to vibrate at a higher frequency from now on.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
31 minutes
The sun just seemed too bright to watch. It made my face feel too warm. I stopped when this happened resulting in three gazeing sessions, adding up to 31 minutes. Yesterday I watched for 30 minutes and 50 seconds. wondering if the whole gosh darn thing is a big ass bore. Probably not. I've tried to sabatoge my success with this for a couple months now. I need to stay determined and move forward or at least not stop. c
Thursday, January 1, 2009
30minutes 40 seconds
ok well, 30 minutes 40 second, minus the 17 minutes and some seconds, at which point I fell asleep.
Suggestion # ? on the subject of sungazing.
Never lay down on a Down bed, on new years day, after dancing until 4am, next to your mate, who is napping, and expect to stay awake until you finish your 30 m 40 seconds of sungazing. Happy New Year!
Suggestion # ? on the subject of sungazing.
Never lay down on a Down bed, on new years day, after dancing until 4am, next to your mate, who is napping, and expect to stay awake until you finish your 30 m 40 seconds of sungazing. Happy New Year!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
30 minutes 30 seconds
For the first time, I watched the sun for part ofmy alloted time, then just finished the 30 minutes and 30 seconds just now. I am having much pelvic pain this month and am having a hard time concentrating on anything. so bye bye.
tribe blog for the last 10 months posted
I thought I would just get started with the tedious task of copying and pasting my blog from tribe to this blog. But WALA! every post automatically transferred . or maybe it is linking my many dedicated readers:) to my tribe link. I feel a little nervous and exposed. i am not sure why. At tribe, I checked the box that said "open only to my friends" but many months later realized that was only for that ONE POST! and still knowing ANYONE could read my blog, with contentment, I wrote like it was a personal journal. We'll I can always delete the whole thing if I get a goooy feeling, right?
So... the following is 10 months of bloging my experience gazing directly into the sun. Daily, I watched the sun, adding 10 seconds a day, starting at 10 seconds to my present time 30 minutes 30 seconds.
So... the following is 10 months of bloging my experience gazing directly into the sun. Daily, I watched the sun, adding 10 seconds a day, starting at 10 seconds to my present time 30 minutes 30 seconds.
weird
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December 2, 2008 3:52 am
just recieved an invitation to friend up with someone on my hotmail for tribe and decided to check out their tribe site and here I am writing. I really miss it, the writing that is. I thought I would just do it on my own but I am not. maybe I will just start the writing again and if I never get to post them fine. well we'll see. I am up because thats what I do. I do MR on my self all the time like someone who meditates all the time. were both weirdos. but it just makes me more and more alive and clear and conscious so I just don't want to stop and when I do I am stopping for something important.My kitty, Itty Bitty, is hurt and that is keeping me up. couple of weeks ago she got caught up in the bedroom blinds and they fell open. She yelped and we found her hanging with her leg caught very tightly. I ran screaming for sizzors to cut teh blind up. Like I was gang member and it hurt my peep:) but Dale freed her. since then everyday she seems to be getting weaker and weaker. Now she can only claw her way up things. no jumping. It is making me feel how I felt the first half of my life, guilty, sympathetic, empathetic, preoccupied with her pain. I suspect I need the reminder of this pain, the pain of feeling the suffering of others, its special. like fucked up special. But I need to digest it so we can both heal.
I miss dancing. I just haven't been lately.
The sun, the whole reason for this writing; well I have not watched the sun in a few days maybe even a week. I am @ 29 minutes and 30 seconds. Two things are slowing me down. One is the cold. I know it hasn't been that cold but last year I started in February and I was only at seconds and single digit minutes. but now to stand or sit staring at the sun when my dog doesn't want to lay down and is asking me "what the f". so there goes my discipline. not very impressive I guess. I long for the warm weather only for the sake of lingering on the trail taking pictures. Oh adn the other reason, what is that? I scratched my eye a few weeks ago and it took longer to heal then I thought it should, so I decided to make sure it was healed before I went forward.
Dale and I took a leap of faith and bought airline tickets for a warm place , ok Ill tell you, Kauai!. for a long time. so I am hoping to finish my time there. Possibly I could watch the sun set and take pictures. I will give you my desktop picture . I am very proud of this one and their are so many others. I stopped taking pictures. I have been doing much healing on this sabotaging of success. I found the main cause to be (well I wrote it and felt it was inappropriate to write) its always bout the mother though. poor moms they get such a bad rap.
Well it felt good to connect. i will try to write again i suspect. hopefully this will post. see you on the other side to paradise, wont be long now. Love Catheirne
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Day 173
October 2, 2008 25:30 Sight is good.I was only going to post my sun picture. But I thought I would say a few things. ONE. how can the stock market just be hanging there like a ball, defying gravity? Now if I was a be BIG player of the stock market I would have taken my money out years ago or a least the last few years and invested in other countries, like China. Right. WELL THATS WHAT THEY DID. HELLO. now this stock market ball is just waiting there for its consultation prize and then will fall as planned as soon as the payment is made. Now there is the possibility that the stock market just is not the entity it once was (according to history) because of the deregulation in the 90's . And instead the stock market is just a place where joe shmoo has been convinced would be a great place for him to place his retirement, you know in the safe keeping of our corporations. HELLO. Now you may guess that I do not or have I ever considered buying stock. (well accept in the eighties I thought that it would be smart to buy stock in bottled water and condoms:) I told my father when the war started to take his money out and he said "And what do I do with it Catherine?" put it under the mattress? and I said YES! but I didn't know what he should do and felt bad for him. he just wanted to provide for my mother and show he is a good man who is responsible etc. I am sad thinking about it now. I just feel bad for anyone who isn't prepared emotionally, psychologically, etc. right now to just live simple. very simple and even for anyone who feels living simply is a hardship.
Well, I felt I had a lot say on this subject but it I don't. I do know Im on Dales computer right now. I can not seem to get on tribe this being one of the reason I quit writing. I just thought it was like that for everyone but it is not. ?
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the last day blogging
Day ? September 28, 2008 25 minutes of staring directly into the sun, deriving power for my body and soul.For a few days I was so anxious. And when I could get to the core of this angst it tested to be phobia of poverty of the collective conscious. For the last day some of the sources I have been testing myself for and others have been: Grief-trauma- burn, earthquake, electrocution, buried alive and this is not past present but future. Close future. Sorry. Just so much grief.
I predicted the corporations/government would somehow be the nation’s slum lords (see previous posts) but I could not figure out the exact cause of all the unnecessary building. You know the other issue I blogged about. Seeing a brand new building vacant for three years and another erected next to it to also stand vacant. What is that? Good business man of which we have the best running this planet (not with integrity and humanity) do not do stupid things unless it benefits them and they do not do things spontaneously, but plan years ahead. So why all the buildings? I started to think and I think I did write this before, that Halliburton/? would rebuild us after another country/our own country/corporations would take us to a war and destroy our world but just recently I decided it may just be that there is more mortgages to send to the top, to be paid to/from the government/corporations/Americans working, to the stock market/corporations/government.
But now, I wonder if there are some events in nature, in science, that can be predicted to happen such as an earthquake of such a destructive capacity that it would take out our country and therefore Halliburton/? could rebuild us. But who would pay them? we wont have any money? So, as you can see, these are stories that finish with experiencing them. I can see the truth by not participating in the lies but maybe some things I am not ready to see so they come to me closer to manifesting.
I am not afraid. At least I don’t believe I am.
I remember in 1999 I decided to take a trip in my truck alone for self discovery and spiritual connection. At the time I spent a lot of time in the spirit world, journeying and praying and meditating. I just didn’t do much without asking my spirit helpers what to do next. So I was guided to just go. The day I planned to start I went out to Virginia’s Water Song Sanctuary to have a flower essence remedy concocted for my adventure and all the intentions I had for my trip. After I left Virginias I had decided to leave the next day instead. While I was at Virginia’s Columbine school went under attack. There was a voicemail from my mother, who only called if the world was falling so I knew I needed find a tv. So I then realized why I intuited to postpone my journey for another day.
I thought I was fearless, that relationships and heart break were my only fear, that general things like travel and camping alone would never disturb me. But after columbine I spent most of the trip in fear and healing it. Right from the beginning I was suspicious of anyone in a highway connivance store, “didn’t I see them at the last stop?” I would say to myself. “I wonder if they are following me? I woke up one day and knew it was time for me to go home. I had healed all the fear I needed to, to press on in my life.
So… I say I am not afraid of our future on this planet but I may be lying, I am not sure.
I do know that I am sure of my path and that I was meant to beat death a few times in this life to become more resilient and because I have a role (as I believe we all do if we are still in a body in the next year) for the future. I hope my role isn’t to play the role of some one who died in another person’s life. But I suspect that may happen and I will just move on to the next incarnation. But I just feel that much of my learning and values culminating in this life, may mean I am here for the aftermath when we get are shit together.
So, I think I am finished publicly writing my thoughts. I just don’t feel comfortable on tribe or myspace or any place on the internet. I think I will write privately now and print it out everyday just incase the “power’s that be” take the internet. I want to start to keep my memories on hard copy. If anyone has actually read any of my blog and wants to keep in touch, or to be there in the future, my number is (IT IS DECEMBER 21ST THE DAY AFTER A WONDERFUL SOLSTICE CELEBRATION i CANT BELEIVE I ACTUALLY PUBLISHED MY PHONE # HERE. I AM TAKING IT OUT RIGHT NOW . I MUST BE CRAZY. AND I JUST REREAD THIS ENTRY. JUST SO YOU KNOW, I AM VERY HAPPY AND VERY CONSCIOUS, PRESENT AND ALIVE ) or find me, I’ll hear you if you call me in your mind. I will be honored to walk into the future with you. Thank you so much for receiving me. Let’s fuel up on solar energy together. I hope for it to be a community experience eventually.
Picture is the last sunrise pic I took
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Day 172 my entries for the last week or so have been deleted?what the&*()*&(*^D*I*&%$##$%#W#$%$VY
Day 172 September 23, 2008, some parts of 24:50. Sight is fine.Today I attempted to watch the sun from my side yard. Itty Bitty (our kitten) slipped out of her harness. She’s been outdoors approximately a dozen times. It was interesting watching her while I chased her down. She switched from quivering in terror from the vastness of her surroundings causing her to hide under a parked car, then to a shiver of ecstasy from the shimmer of a leaf. I wonder if we would be that way if we were not culturated, going haphazardly from emotion (and extremely) to emotion?
So, much of the allotted time I was trying to corner Isis (our kitten). But I finally pleaded with for help from the spirits/god and there was a black feather sticking out of the ground. It caused Itty Bitty to come to me, to be swooped up in my arms.
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Day 171
Day 171, September 22, 2008, 24:40. Eyes are fine.I watched the sun at the side of my condo. Sitting on the land I pay $85 a month to have maintained but don't own. Where great pines die because of negligence. I digress... It was the last minutes of the safe hour and it was bright. It never became as uncomfortable as it has in the past, late in the hour. So I am more accustomed to it. We hiked view point with a new friend and her puppy. Burelly was attached buy some vicious cactus. We met up with the woman who is dressed out of a high fashion hiking magazine and if terrorized by dogs.
Picture is from view point trail couple of weeks ago.
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Day 170
Day 170 September 21, 2008. 22ish amount of minutes watching the sun. Seeing fine.Today, someone I met recently told me they started to SunGaze. They are at 70 seconds.
So the community is building.
I left the house after the sun came up and I saw it rising into the dark clouds I made a u-turn to take a picture and I could not see it but from there I drove one more block and for 15 minutes I took pictures of 6 bucks. Two pair butted heads like on the discovery channel. Eventually a fox came into the field and then another. I took about 60 pictures. A picture of a dear pooping as well as the a fox pooping. It was a beautiful morning . they did not seem to care I was there watching.
Afterward, I hiked view point trail. View point trail seemed a dud consider the show I just observed. I stopped watching the sun with about 2 minutes left because my face and eyes were hot. It was the end of the safe hour and I did not want to take any chances.
I will download my pictures once I replace the wire I lost on the trail a couple of weeks ago.
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Day 167
Day 167 24:10 Eyes still fine.Watched the sun from the bottom the View Point Trail; I have great pictures. Don’t really know what to say today.
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